In class essay #4: Minjok: importance of extent.

Being a minjok? Hmm..

           The word minjok, translated as ethnic group or race, is often used by Koreans to show off their nationality and strong bond between them. For instance, when the World Cup is being held, thousands of Koreans gather together in front of huge screens and cheer their team up, based on the thought that they are one minjok.

           The thing is, however, is that people considering minjok as a natural phenomenon, just because they have the same blood flowing inside them. Moreover, history of Dangun, Korean dynasty, Joseon dynasty, and hardships Koreans went through such as 1592 Japanese Invasion are the evidences of minjok Koreans are proposing. However, what meaning do these convey? People at the time in these hardships may have felt ethnicity, but I thought these meant nothing to people in present. Because these are the only things Koreans are utilizing to prove minjok, I believe the minjok concept is actually ambiguous.

       On the other hand, I cannot neglect and deny the concept of minjok because as a Korean, I’m feeling a kind of bond between Koreans, too. To give my personal experiences, the first one is when I went to Canada when I was a 4th grader in elementary school. As I’d seen lots of movies and dramas with the plot of Americans bullying Asian transfer students, I had fear before going to the school. However, it was the exact opposite. Canadian friends treated me as a special being, not a weird one, just because I’m Korean. They approached me earlier than I did to them, so I was able to easily adapt to the school. From such experiences, I started to feel proud about my nation and being part of Korean minjok. Although I mentioned there is no specific evidence of minjok, I surely did sense what being a part of Korea meant.

      In addition, I was one of the people I mentioned above, the one who cheered my team enthusiastically in front of the screen. When the Korean team was struggling against a statistically-better team, all of us shouted ‘fighting!’ and wished our team the best. When the team won, we cheered throughout the whole night, and when it lost, we posted quotes like, ‘cheer up, you did your best’ on the Internet to soothe their disappointment. I was never compelled to cheer only the ‘Korean’ team, but I guess some kind of invisible bond led me to.

     After such experiences, I still doubted whether the minjok exists or not. The fact that I cannot explain logically why I sensed these feelings in the experiences above really complicated my thoughts about minjok. As I was thinking continuously, one conclusion came up to my mind: Being a minjok doesn’t have to be explained with logic. As a Korean, I have always felt proud and linked to my nation Korea, which is one of the reasons I applied at KMLA. On the other hand, I couldn’t illustrate why such feeling exists, so I decided to consider it as an implicit human nature, like love or friendship. Every citizen of every country has it, but individuals just have difference in extent. For example, Koreans are unique because they are known to have greater extent of ethnicity than any other nations.

Minjok- always good??

     There’s one more thing to be considered: is the concept of minjok always good? The answer is absolutely ‘no’. Minjok, ethnicity in other word, is always related to nations. If the extent of minjok increases to a level in which people regard the nation equal to each individual, a problem of serious nationalism occurs. The notion ‘nationalism’ is not a bad thing itself, but there were lots of historical examples how severe nationalism led to bad endings of nations such as Nazis. Adolf Hitler’s nationalism was so serious that he differentiated every other country from his own, and even suppressed races such as Jews. This tells how dangerous the concept of minjok can be, as it can make an illusion that one’s nation the best in everything.

     Then which level is Korean minjok in? To be frank, Koreans have one of the strongest ethnicity in world. There are lots of real-life examples of how Koreans ostracize other races and nations, especially inside Korea. There’s even a slight sign of nationalism, and the best example is a Korean anchor’s tears. When it was announced that PyeongChang, a city in Korea, will hold 2018 winter Olympics, an anchor dropped her tears because she was really touched by the fact. Though lots of people shared her feelings, some raised questions about it really seriously. They thought that the anchor crying publically because of nation’s happy occasion implies, ‘country’s good equals individual’s good’, the basic concept of nationalism. Although it is a great thing our country holds the Olympics, I also agree that the extent of that anchor’s ethnicity was a bit much. The thing is that this is not only her problem. It includes every Korean, and Koreans should learn from an ancient idiom, ‘too much is as bad as too little’, and should lower the level of ethnicity.

Kim Ju Ha crying for PyeongChang

no severe nationalism!

     So as a conclusion, though the existence of minjok cannot be explained logically, it does exist as all people are experiencing it every second. The existence of it is advisable, because it enhances relationships and cooperation between people, so the concept itself is not a problem. The only problem is ‘extent’. No one gets any disadvantage just because people have strong bond between the same races. However, if the extent becomes too much, lots of people are harmed. As Koreans are developing more intense ethnicity as the time passes, we should always keep in mind; too much is as bad as too little. Through such thought, Koreans should maintain reasonable extent of minjok, which will lead to a harmony of both nation and the world.

In class essay #3: Sustaining species.. that important?

     According to the clip, 'The Maker', one rabbit-like doll hurries to make another doll, and when the time runs out, he disappears, leaving the other doll the same task.

Handsome Dawkins :)

     The first time I watched the clip, I thought of the book, "The Selfish Gene" by Richard Dawkins. The book mentions that there's an organism that can copy itself, and all other living things, from microorganisms to people, are just means to transport them, enhancing the chance to survive and reproduce. Consequently, Dawkins concluded that all actions, including the altruistic ones, are all egoistic, as all living things just want to leave descendants and spread their species.
     'The Maker' clip, for me, represented this fundamental desire of all living things. The first doll tried hard to leave the descendant, in this case the second doll, and disappears after it succeeds. I saw such 'hard work' as an altruistic action as the time remaining for the doll was not much. However, such action ended as continuing the species, the most essential action of organisms, which Dawkins ultimately saw as an egoistic behavior.

The actual book- The selfish gene

     As I interpreted the clip this way, I considered that the clip, at least my interpretation, was a bit negative. Such consideration drew me a question, "Are all actions other than reproduction not important? Relationships, feelings, memories... are they secondary?" My personal answer was, "no". After interpreting the clip and answering questions to myself, I watched the clip again. In the clip, I found that the dolls never smiled except the finish of reproduction. What I mean is that if the 'reproduction' is an only, critical objective of life, the dolls wouldn't have time to smile in other parts of their life, would they?
     So, with the additional information, I tried to interpret the clip again. As a result, I believed that the clip was trying to mention the things that's completely opposite of the last interpretation. Instead of emphasizing the importance of reproduction, it was implying, 'enjoy your life more during the short life longevity.' As the clip showed, achieving only the fundamental goal of a living thing doesn't bring you anything, including happiness, when you're doing other things than reproduction. We're not vehicles of organisms that want to leave and copy their species. It's not our duty to leave descendants, so enjoy the life while it's remaining.
     Imagine if the doll played and had joy doing other actions. Though the species wouldn't continue, at least he had a happy life. Our happiness, I believe, should not be obstructed with compulsive duties, including the reproduction, because it's our own life.

It's my life - by Bon Jovi

     Lastly, 'relationships, feelings, memories.. and happy life; that's what's important'- the clip gave me such lessons. Thus, from today, I will try to enjoy and thank every moment in my life as much as I can.

History of computer games I've played

     I have lived for 17 years, and until today, I've played numerous games, sometimes for fun, and sometimes for time-killing. I thought it would be nice for me to date back in the past in retrospect of which games I've played and when I played them.

     The first computer game I remember playing is a CD game called 'Neo Bomberman'. I guess my father bought it for me for a birthday present when I was a first grader, and I remember it was quite fun. It had various maps, skills, and scenarios I could play, so at the time, it was a kind of innovation. It supported 2 players mode, so my brother and I played it a lot together.
     Then I head to the second grader in elementary school, and the game I remember playing is the 'Rollercoaster Tycoon'. The main purpose of the game is to achieve certain goal of income through constructing various rollercoasters and playgrounds. I didn't know that the game was so difficult when I played it again a few weeks ago. I do remember achieving the main goal several times when I was a second grader, but when I played as a high school student, the game ended up in a huge loss of money. Maybe my brain is deteriorating every second...haha...
     Another game I started playing when I was a second grader was 'Maplestory'. The game has no clear objectives, and I just had to level up to learn more skills and be stronger. At the time, the game hasn't developed that much, so it was extremely hard to level up. One of the anecdotes I recall is when I bought 10 million meso (the game's currency) for 10 thousand won with my brother's help. Nowadays, it's more than 200 million meso per 10 thousand won.... :( such an inflation..




     I often played outside when I was a third grader, so let's see what I played when I was a 4th grader. I went abroad when I was a fourth grader in Canada, and the Internet was really bad there. Thus, my brother and I had to play games that did not require Internet connection, and there were two solutions. The first one is a 'Pokemon game', in gold version. The game was to become a champion of Pokemon trainer through beating numerous gym leaders and champions. It was a simple game that didn't need the Internet, so my brother and I played it hundreds of times, repeating again and again. Until today, I remember which path I should take in order to succeed, and every secret ways to get better equipment. Another game is 'Mame'. Actually, it is not a game itself. It's a program that allows people to play thousands of games in past, usually the ones that can be played at the stationery,  without Internet connection. Through such program we could play lots of games such as 1945, Snowbrothers, etc.

     Then I come back to Korea when I was a 5th grader, and I don't really remember what I played at the time. So let's look at the games I played when I was a sixth grader in elementary school. Mainly, there are two games: 'Starcraft' and 'Counterstrike'. First for Starcraft, I met this one friend who was good at it, and he taught me how to play it well. Because it was so fun, I was a bit crazy at it, and I think I went to PC room every day except the weekends to play it. One sad thing is that until now I've played about 400 games with him, but I've only beaten him 6 times.. As my brother was really good and mad about it at the time, he also taught me too. I think it's one of the greatest games, considering that it was developed about ten years ago. Another game I played was Counterstrike. Among thousands of FPSs, I think it is the best, as it has reasonable difficulty and great maps. I played it with my friends through a program called, 'Steam', which allowed us to connect to the Counterstrike servers.
     Starcraft is the game that I lived with for many years, so I played it only when I was a first grader. Because I had to study more intensely in middle school, the numbers of games had decreased, but I still played it a lot.
     When I was a second grader in middle school, another games began: 'Fifaonline 2'. As the name says, it's and online soccer game. The only problem was that it took away so much money, as if I don't put my money in it, my team gets left behind. Though I was not that good at it, I still played it so many times that I sometimes got scolded from my mother for going to PC rooms too much. I even got caught by my teacher once. It exists until today, and sadly, the game will shut down due to license problem on March, 2013.

     The next game I played when I was a third grader is 'Left4Dead'. Since I often played online games such as Starcraft and Fifaonline, I nearly never played games that needed extra program such as this. However, I learned that in PC rooms, my friends and I can join together to beat scenarios, and I was really attracted to this game. It's about surviving through the zombies, and there were lots of modes such as being a zombie, and beating the scenario as I mentioned. The last 'new' game I played at the same age is 'Starcraft 2'. At normal houses, people need to buy the ID to play it, but at the PC room, it was free. As it was a fresh, new version of Starcraft, I never missed the chance to play it, and it was a predominant game in my 3rd grade life in middle school.

     Today, as a high school student, I sometimes play these games in retrospect of the procedure I've passed through. Sometimes, I think playing these games were just a waste of time, and that I could have exercised or studied harder. However, I believe that without these games, my wonderful, enthusiastic memories wouldn't have existed, and actually, I really want to thank these games for great memories.

Comments on Drew Lee's Toefl Essay #2

     After reading Drew's essay, one question that I always wondered popped out: is it okay to write a 'TOEFL' essay like a novel? I often considered the quote 'TOEFL' as a limitation that hinders me from writing freely, and the one that puts my writing style into a certain format. Therefore, I used to ask people, including friends, my brother, teachers, etc. if it is okay to write like one, but I never got the constant answer. So I just chose my perspective, which is that for 'TOEFL' essay, people should write it like a TOEFL essay, the one with a rigid format.
     This is the first thing I want to point out in Drew's essay. I understand that the topic is not a 'TOEFLish' one, but my personal belief is that the essay should always stay in a limited format. Because writing a Toefl essay is just for preparing for Toefl, I think it would have been better if he wrote in a TOEFLish way, the one without 'us, you, lots of me'... etc. Second of all, I want to point out his thoughts. Though it is indeed a creative thought, I doubted if such thoughts are suitable to the topic, the change in 21st century. For me, the nuance of two things sounded a bit different, and I'm not sure if the topic asked for these thoughts or not.
     On contrast, the good things Drew did was first of all, his creative thoughts as I mentioned. Although it may sound a bit paradoxical, because he drew out the thoughts the topic did not seem to ask, his thoughts approached me very positively. Another thing is that his style was logical. On every results and phenomenons, he wrote why this would happen, and why that is likely to happen. Reading his essay, there was no ambiguous points I wanted to raise questions about.

TOEFL Workshop Group #1

TOEFL Essay Workshop #2

Topic :The 21st century has begun. What changes do you think this new century will bring? Use examples and details in your answer.

Group : Park Hyogeun, Choi Changseon, Cho Munyoung, Yun Ungsang, Gwon Junho

Original Essay

     What is the most fatal, inevitable enemy of all living things? Of all life-threatening matters, the answer is disease. Humans, especially, have coexisted with it, trying to research, find treatments, and overcome it. Thus, as technology developed more and more, people were able to find better and more effective cure for diseases, resulting in lengthened life expectancy. Similarly, I believe the largest change in 21st centuryis disease, in both positive and negative ways.

      To begin with, some of the incurable diseases would not be called the same in 21st century. As I mentioned earlier, humans are able to conquer diverse illnesses through constantly growing technology. Humans have done so until today, so there’s no doubt that more diseases would be overcome. To give an example of the incurable disease in past, pest, best known as black plague, was one of the biggest threats to Europeans in mid-14th century. Millions of people lost their lives, and there was no hope at the time, as no one could figure out the cause of it. However, today, pest isn’t even conceived as a serious disease since vaccine was invented. Scientists were able to verify the cause through microscope, and inhibited the potentially dangerous germs from harming humans. Likewise, in 2012, there are lots of diseases thought to be formidable and insurmountable, such as AIDS and cancer. Though countless people are suffering from them these days, through extreme advance in technology in this century, I expect these diseases to take the same path as pest, and even longer life expectancy for humans.

      On the other hand, developments in 21st century may even worsen the ‘disease matter’. To be specific, extreme developments today have harmed the environment largely. The thing is that the environment is not the only target. Humans are also influenced by boomerang effect, and the best example is cancer.Although cancer is known to be a contemporary disease, it is not, as an ancient Egyptian was found to have carried cancer when he was alive. However, it was not a usual disease for Egyptians, and such informs us that some change brought increase in occurrence of cancer, which is human activity. In fact, there are numerous evidences showing how human activity can affect cancer cells to be more active. As humans are always looking forward to advance in their civilizations, more pollution is being generatedevery second. Although humans might overcome the present diseases in the future, at the same time, it is possible for them to resurrect the deadly illnesses that haven’t been found yet.

     To sum up, 21st century will open up a new age for diseases through vast enhancement in technology and development. However, it is not sure whether the situation would improve or deteriorate, as the chances are fifty-fifty. Whether it would be an innovation or a disaster, humans must be ready to absorb such changes in disease on the upcoming 21st century.

Anaylzing Changseon's TOEFL Essay

Our team members chose Choi Changseon’s essay to review strengths and weak points.

When we discussed about revising his essay, we focused on the next categories: ideas, organization, word choice, sentence fluency and proofreading.

1.     IDEAS – Changseon chose ‘diseases’ to be the big changes in the 21^st century. We liked his interesting and creative idea. However, His writing needed more support, so we added some more details.

2.     ORGANIZATION - His essay had a quite well developed beginning, middle and ending. Changseon introduced his topic interestingly by asking a challenging question “What is the most fatal, inevitable enemy of all living things?” Middle part was composed of 2 paragraphs. To support details, he used ‘comparison’ about diseases in the past and at the present. But, the examples supporting his topic sentences were not enough to clarify his ideas. Thus we added more examples such as ‘nanotechnology’ and ‘super bacteria’ to make his writing clear enough to understand. His closing was effectively summarized the contents of his essay.

3.     WORD CHOICE – A good writing should use the best words and avoid redundancy and repetition. So we carefully checked for any flaws in his writing and we corrected them when revising.

4.     SENTENCE FLUENCY – For effective sentence fluency, we sometimes combined or divided the sentences to make them read more smoothly. To do this work, one of our members read the essay loud and we listened carefully for anything that could be awkward.

5.     PROOFREADING – After finishing revising, we checked for any errors in punctuation, mechanics, and grammar.

Revising

We revised changseon's essay ;

(If you click the picture, you can see it in detail.)

 

 

After Revision(Final Draft)

What is the most fatal and inevitable enemy of all living things? Of all life threatening matters, personally the answer is diseases. Humans have coexisted with diseases, trying to research, find treatments, and overcome them. Some say that people will be able to find more effective cures for diseases, resulting in lengthened life expectancy as the technology develops more and more. Others, however, say that numerous diseases will be able to come out as the technology advances. As Humans and diseases are inextricably bound up each other, the changes in diseases will greatly affect the 21^st century as followings:

To begin with, some of the incurable diseases nowadays will disappear in the 21st century. Humans are able to conquer diverse illnesses through constantly growing technology. As a result, in the end, there will be no more incurable diseases left. To give an example of the incurable disease in the past, pest, best known as black plague, was one of the biggest threats to Europeans in the mid-14^th century. Millions of people lost their lives, with no hope remaining, since no one could figure out the cure for this disease. However, today, pest is not even considered as a serious disease ever since vaccine has invented. Scientists were able to verify the cause through microscopes, and inhibited the potentially dangerous germs from harming humans. Likewise, in 2012, there are lots of diseases thought to be formidable and insurmountable, such as AIDS and cancer. Though countless people are suffering from them these days, through extreme advance in technology in this century such as developing nanotechnology, I expect these diseases to take the same path as pest, perhaps resulting in even longer life expectancy for humans.

Will humans destroy themselves?

On the other hand, human activity, especially technological advance caused by the development in the 21st century may even worsen humans' power against incurable diseases. To be specific, extreme developments resulting in numerous vaccines have ironically caused stronger diseases, which are incurable, to occur. In the past, the rate of mutants in various diseases was low due to the lack of cures. However, as the development of technology led to the invention of effective vaccines, the rate of mutants in these diseases skyrocketed. According to Darwin’s theory of evolution, organisms develop and get stronger as they get biologically threatened causing invincible mutants to appear. Likewise, increase on cure methods led to the increase of mutants. Ultimately, the development of cures led to the infinite routine of cure vs. disease. One example of this is the appearance of Super bacteria. Since the past, bacteria haven't been a huge threat to the human race. However, due to the constant changes and development of medicines, Super bacteria, which are incurable with current technology, occurred. Although, humans might overcome the present diseases in the future, at the same time, it is possible for us to create more deadly diseases.

To sum up, the 21^st century will open up a new age for diseases through vast enhancement in technology and development. However, it is not sure whether the situation would improve or deteriorate, as the chances are fifty-fifty. Whether it would be an innovation or a disaster, humans must be ready to absorb such changes in diseases on the upcoming 21^st century.

The words in red - grammatical errors are changed

The words in purple– sentences and phrases are changed

After Finishing the Project

After we finished our team project of TOEFL WORKSHOP, we learned that we should give a lot of time and efforts to write a good essay. We know that an effective essay needs prewriting, writing, revising, and proofreading. While revising Changseon’s essay, we could think of the essentials in good writing and learn a lot from one another.  We are sure that this revising experience will make us write better essays from now on.

Thank You

In class essay #2: Are we better than the Nacirema?

           The world is comparatively a much vaster place than most of people think. There are numerous tribes and small groups people are not aware of, so it’s reasonable that some of the groups may not understand each other. The Nacirema tribe is the best example, with rituals cruel and inhumane. However, such cruelty and inhumanity is the stereotype and viewpoint I’m having, and it’s not a universal idea. Likewise, lots of people consider unknown cultures like the Nacirema inhumane and outdated, and believe they deserve being criticized. However, people should think if their culture is better than theirs, and whether they have rights to criticize them.

           To begin with, other cultures’ individuality should be respected. In this world today, thousands of nations and tribes are developing their own cultures, in their unique environment. The usual one today, which is the culture with highly developed technology, is just one of them. Similarly, the Nacirema people had their own ideas when creating their own culture. Thus, the only difference between our culture and the Nacirema is the ‘idea’. When we pursued comfortableness in our daily lives, they sought religious value and rituals. Though the method may seem brutal and inhumane in our perspectives, does it mean people can criticize other cultures when the only distinction is the pursued value? I believe not, as our culture can be seen vice versa to groups like the Nacirema, and our culture certainly cannot be called ‘a better culture’.

           Moreover, all cultures today are in the same position. These days, people look back in history and say how terrible it would have been at the time to live without the present technology and development. This often occurs as cultures are constantly developing. The point is that the culture we believe to be highly developed is not advanced compared to the one in the future. One of the reason people use to criticize the Nacirema is that their culture is outdated. However, from the viewpoint of the future culture, all of the cultures today including the Nacirema will look alike; as such cultures are all outdated. Therefore, actually, as the cultures coexist in the present world, it can be said that all cultures are in the same level. Consequently, it can be inferred that people don’t have any right to attack other cultures, so the Nacirema culture doesn’t have any reason to be criticized.

           To sum up, all cultures are in the same position, coexisting nowadays. In addition, people don’t have any reason or right to condemn other cultures. Thus, I believe rather than criticizing others due to our own stereotypes and thoughts, it is better to understand and respect other cultures so that everyone can live together in harmony.

Suneung...

     Suneung, known as the College Scholastic Ability Test in Korea, was taken place 2 days ago on Nov. 8th. As lots of colleges apply the Suneung score in various ways when selecting the freshmen, all the test applicants do their best to achieve their best.  My brother was one of the applicants, so my family was extremely nervous about the exam. As we knew that he did his best during the last one year, we were certain he would get a better score than the last year.
     However, that was not it. When the test finished, I sent my mother the message 'how did he do?'. There was no reply for two hours, and when the answer finally came, it was 'piss off'. Soon, I knew from the instinct there was something bad going on. I later found out my brother was blaming himself for not taking the test well, as he got a lower score than the last year.
     On Friday, when I came home, my brother started to do things he has never done before, such as suggesting me to go to karaoke with him. Everything he did, I could feel his sadness and desperation. Even after he came back home, he acted as if he was out of his mind, maybe to forget the misery he is experiencing.
     I've always thought that the Suneung was the best way to choose students, as it shows how diligent and capable they are. Moreover, it is just one test. No other bothersome procedure is needed, so it is both effective and simple means to select great students. On the other hand, from the perspective of the applicant's family, it seemed a bit different. As I mentioned, the Suneung is just one test. Whether someone tried hard or not, a simple mistake can change his life, hindering one from achieving his dream. Though college is not wholly a life itself, it is indeed the most easiest, simplest way to succeed in the society. I know how my brother tried hard, waking up every 5 a.m. in the morning, and sometimes getting Ringer solution due to extreme tiredness. Although people say mistake is also one's ability, I thought the price of such 'mistakes' was too heavy for my brother. It took away his dream, effort, and everlasting smile from his face.

     Now, my brother is in his room, doing meaningless things without any vitality. Though it will be hard, I hope he will recover his energy soon, and come back as my funny, energetic brother.